Distance parenting: the views of domestic workers and their partners in the eThekwini Metro.

Abstract

The separation of children from their parents is widespread in South Africa, more so in Black families where a majority of parents have historically lived far from their children (Montgomery, Hosegood, Busza & Timæus, 2006). This study was designed to understand how men and women parented their children whom they did not live with. I was interested in how they negotiated parenting from a distance, and what implications this had for themselves, their children and caregivers. The study also aimed at understanding the meanings attached to parenthood against dominant constructions of motherhood and fatherhood. Informed by critical social work, I used an interview guide to gather data through in-depth individual interviews and focus group discussions with the participants who were domestic workers employed and living in central Durban, in the eThekwini metro. Of the 33 females and 7 males who participated in the study, only one couple, who lived separately from each other took part. The inclusion criterion was that participants be domestic workers with children who were not co-resident for a minimum period of one year. Thematic analysis and critical discourse analysis constituted the basis of the analysis of the data. Despite distance parenting being widespread and normalised in many rural communities, the findings indicated that parents wanted to live with their children and raise them. The challenges in recruiting men to participate in a study, which they perceived as dealing with “women’s issues”, is in itself, telling. The few men who participated supported my initial assumption that men and women parent differently. While women were more nurturing and emotionally close to their children, men tended to construct responsible parenting in monetary terms. Mothers depended on othermothers in the community to care for their children, and despite distance, these mothers reconstructed mothering practices to suit their reality. Distance did not necessarily affect fatherhood which was defined along dominant hegemonic masculinities, but put pressure on men to be providers even when they were employed in the low income sector of domestic work. The study also showed the resourcefulness of domestic workers, and how they developed social protection systems for themselves, and their children and families. Finally, the study showed the agency of domestic workers, and that power between domestic workers and their employers is not unilateral, nor one directional as is always thought; workers are able to assert themselves, and meet their needs even in this ultra-exploitative and oppressive employment sector. Based on the study findings and the literature, policy and practice recommendations, and recommendations for further research are made.